He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
