I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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