He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
