i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
