If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
