HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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