just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
