I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
