Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
