One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
