I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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