I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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