you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
