yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
