Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
