oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
