the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
