Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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