Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
