So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
