I cannot find my penis.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
