I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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