Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
