Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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