I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
