He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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