thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
