I think i peed on brittanys purse
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
