Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
