he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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