I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
