Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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