i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
