I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
