is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
