i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
