nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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