I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
