Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
