babies were throwing up all over the place
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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