i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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