If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it penis luge time yet?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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