if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
