My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
