the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
