Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
