i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
