I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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