I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
