Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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